I have more Links than Legend of Zelda

Gah. Buh. Wha.

Read that link before continuing.

Done yet? Good. Took you long enough.

HOW DOES THIS HAPPEN?

OKAY, I get that there are freaks in the world. Thats COOL. BUT WHEN FREAKS DO FREAKY THINGS, the correct response is not to make it legally binding.

Speaking of legally binding, HOW DOES THIS HAPPEN? Doesn't marriage require two signatures? What did he do when asked to read out their vows? Put his hand in a hole in the back and move her mouth puppet style? Did he say "I do" in a squeaky falsetto out one side of his mouth? Did the priest say in Korean "I now pronounce you Man and Pillowcase"? I just... I can't... I... ARRGH.

What happens when he dies? Does she inherit his stuff? I mean surely their relationship must be handicapped by language barriers, she being Japanese and he being Korean and all. Not to mention certain difficulties regarding the fact that SHE'S A PILLOW. WITH A PRINT OF MRS FICTIONAL LESBIAN ON IT.

Although Korea is awesome, what with their three channels of Starcraft matches, but if awesome leads to this - marrying LINEN - then awesome isn't awesome. You heard me.

You must imagine, also, the artists and writers of the TV series looking at their news. When someone marries one of your characters, what do you do? Do you... cheer at your animating ability? Do you... get jealous? Human emotions have not developed to deal with such a situation. In fact, I dread the day when they DO.

IN OTHER NEWS: Scientists have proven at last that an asteroid wiped out the dinosaurs.

Paragraph 5 compares the KT event to the Hiroshima Bomb. God damn it. I wish people would STOP DOING THAT. Hiroshima was - as nuclear bombs go - pretty damn terrible. It was the second nuclear explosion on Earth, which means we hadn't really gotten the hang of it. Like, powerplants make a thousand times more energy in a year than Little Boy did, and we have thousands of them. We had Nukes in the '60s that were 1,400 times more powerful than both Japanese explosions combined. And that was actually made smaller to reduce fallout; we could have done one 3,000 times the first two. We had wind generators in 1979 that beat the Hiroshima bomb.

The Hiroshima bomb TOTALLY SUCKED, guys. It's just that its so ingrained into our collective conscious as being the bomb to end all bombs that we no longer question it. Open your eyes, sheeple!

IN OTHER NEWS: This is what all inspirational speeches should be like. If you take the time to read anything today, read a note from someone who loves you. But after that, this.