I went to a wedding yesterday. On the car-ride there, all we got on the radio was news that Jessica Watson (who is on a boat) is sailing into Sydney Harbour RIGHT NOW, so everyone should take a GOOD HARD LOOK because SHE'S ON A BOAT (She's on a BOAT!) I decided to read the Telegraph instead, to ignore the radio, only to immediately regret it because the Telegraph is terrible, and because there was a four page special on Jessica Watson, who is on a boat, (SHE'S ON A BOAT!)
I got to the Church, which was the Chapel of St Mary Mackillop, with her ACTUAL DESSICATED CORPSE inside a marble coffin on display. WHICH WAS AWESOME. Also, there was a ridiculous amount of sponsorship and product placement going on, like for instance this sign.
...which you don't get to see, because I don't know how to get my camera to connect to the mothership. (It's the ABC logo.)
At the ceremony, I was the doorman, handing out the wedding programs at the door. This turned out to be a mistake, as I had all sorts of vaguely related relatives come up and introduce themselves - saying oh my how I've grown, and why don't you remember me, we met barely seven years ago, and stuff like that. I didn't remember them because I met them at a party when I was 12, at the same time as fifty other 12th cousins, great-aunts and step-grandparent's children's husbands. Memory like a sieve, I know.
Anyway, my Aunt finally showed up (traditional lateness be damned, I was BORED,) and the ceremony started. The priest decided that the best analogy for married life he could think of was the great and heroic naval journey of oh jesus not her again. (TAKE A GOOD HARD LOOK!)
The reception was nice, at a place on the Harbour shore called Ripples, (written lowercase, in a font that could very easily be misinterpreted. I chuckled.) It was a nice excuse to talk to people I wasn't even vaguely related to about how nice boarding school is and how terrible year 12 is and so on. The staff were courteous and punctual to the point of bloody-minded belligerance, especially in the way that they filled whatever glass you had within seconds of you drinking it. We were quite amused when Mum had her wine glass filled and then, without any drinking in between, refilled in a two minute period. Dinner was the kind of food you generally go on Masterchef to watch fat guys in mullets eat.
On the way back though, we passed roadworks at the roundabout outside the school. Of the 20 workers: one was digging a hole; five were watching him; three were on the 'SLOW' sign in our direction; another two had the same sign further along, just in case we decided to change our minds or something; four were holding a forest of 'STOP' signs for the other direction of traffic; four more were on break; and one was on his phone checking the internet for news about Jessica Watson. I have a theory that those signs they hold are not traffic signs. They are in fact instructions for the workers - work slowly when all the cars are stopped, then stop and arse around whenever cars are coming.
And that's what I did in the 24 hours I was away from school for.
*****
In preparation for my epic Internetless June, I have bought (read: Mum has bought) the Humble Indie Bundle, a collection of games (6) for the low low price of whatever the damn hell you want.
That's right! You can support poor Indie game creators by bending them over backwards and taking their stuff for minimal pay! All you have to do is swallow your pride and decency as a human being and type in that you would like months of labour for US$0.01 and there you have it! Adjust for the exchange rate and round down to the nearest 10c, and you have your 6 games, and you don't even have to pirate them!
I didn't pay $0.01, mainly because I wasn't holding the purse strings - merely making Mum do it. SHE paid $10, which was more than we were going to pay (nothing, we weren't going to get it.) Although I think that the offer has ended now, so sucked in. The problem for me is that the games all up are ~700 MB, making it more bandwidth intensive than two weeks of normal internet usage. I will (read: Mum will) pay more for the internet to download it than for the games themselves.
GAMES PLAYED SO FAR
- The tutorial merely dumps all the information you could possibly need to complete the game in your lap in a five minute period, meaning that when you get up to actually using those moves/weapons, you're clueless.
- The story is hilariously bad: you are living in happiness in your bunny training camp when you see raiders coming. You chase the raiders. The raiders inform you that all your bunny friends have been killed. You revenge yourself on the raiders. A messenger for the Bunny King tells you that the raiders were the only thing stopping the Wolves of the north from invading, and you killed them all. You kill the messenger. You chase the king into the waiting arms of the Wolves. You kill wolves. You kill more wolves. That's where I'm up to. (Every sentence is a level.)
PRAISE:
- Unique combat
- Ragdoll physics
- When you jump, you go like a hundred metres, then you land on an enemy bunny's face and ghetto stomp him out of existence. The game is worth it for this and this alone.
That's right! You can support poor Indie game creators by bending them over backwards and taking their stuff for minimal pay! All you have to do is swallow your pride and decency as a human being and type in that you would like months of labour for US$0.01 and there you have it! Adjust for the exchange rate and round down to the nearest 10c, and you have your 6 games, and you don't even have to pirate them!
I didn't pay $0.01, mainly because I wasn't holding the purse strings - merely making Mum do it. SHE paid $10, which was more than we were going to pay (nothing, we weren't going to get it.) Although I think that the offer has ended now, so sucked in. The problem for me is that the games all up are ~700 MB, making it more bandwidth intensive than two weeks of normal internet usage. I will (read: Mum will) pay more for the internet to download it than for the games themselves.
GAMES PLAYED SO FAR
- Lugaru - a game where you play a ninja-rabbit. Wait, where are you going? Its actually quite fun!
- The tutorial merely dumps all the information you could possibly need to complete the game in your lap in a five minute period, meaning that when you get up to actually using those moves/weapons, you're clueless.
- The story is hilariously bad: you are living in happiness in your bunny training camp when you see raiders coming. You chase the raiders. The raiders inform you that all your bunny friends have been killed. You revenge yourself on the raiders. A messenger for the Bunny King tells you that the raiders were the only thing stopping the Wolves of the north from invading, and you killed them all. You kill the messenger. You chase the king into the waiting arms of the Wolves. You kill wolves. You kill more wolves. That's where I'm up to. (Every sentence is a level.)
PRAISE:
- Unique combat
- Ragdoll physics
- When you jump, you go like a hundred metres, then you land on an enemy bunny's face and ghetto stomp him out of existence. The game is worth it for this and this alone.
- Gish - You are a blob. You can make yourself heavy, watery, or sticky. You traverse levels, picking up coins and squashing mushroom-shaped bad guys. I played five minutes of it and hated it.
*****
This silver-fish is a millimetre long, yet can jump at a speed of half a metre a second. This makes them more powerful than anything humanity has yet devised, and ten times more powerful than their nearest rival amongst all of nature.
*****
Amelie and Tom Brennan revision time!!!!
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